Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Week 5 Eureka Moment
Ok so i grew up with two brothers that loved to play video games. So thanks to challening them when i was younger i still like to play video games. Well the other night i was playing xbox and as some of you probably know you can talk to people all over the world through the xbox. Anyways i have been with my bf for over 8 years and we have talked about getting married but my bf says that right now we really cant afford it so until then we arent taking anymore steps forward. Well i was fine with this knowing that i want to be able to afford it first but then last night something happened that really ticked me off. I was playing xbox and talking with some people when one of the guys was trying to be nice and give me some advice on how to play this particular game better. Well my bf was playing to so he could hear the who conversation, finally he must of had enough because he started telling the guy to back off and stop talking to his fiance. Ok well one im not his fiance, i would love to be but he doesnt think we can afford it so it ticked me off that he would call me his fiance and really im not and two it made me mad that he was attacking this poor guy for trying to give me advice on a game. I thought this topic was kind of perfect being that we talked about jealousy and close relationships last week. Why is it that he got so pissed over something like advice on a video game? On top of that i dont want to be recognized as his fiance unless i actually am, being engaged means so much to me and i dont want to be throwing around labels like fiance when we arent really engaged. If he wants to advertise me as his fiance he should make it official. Maybe im being stupid i dont know but it really ticked me off and i thought it fit perfectly into last weeks topic!
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Tiffany,
ReplyDeleteYou have a perfect right to be "ticked off". First off all, even if you were his fiance, he still didn't have a right to tell that guy to "back off". If you were engaged or even married you are "owned" by a person and not allowed to have a conversation? I can see him being jealous if the guy was flirting and coming on to you and if that was the case, it would have been up to YOU to say, back off. In my opinion, please understand that I am a mother of a married and engaged daughter. My engaged daughter (the one who was living with the guy)is no slouch (not that you are), but believe he would NEVER do anything that to her. He might say something privately to her like, he felt uncomfortable about the conversation between she and the guy, if that. Because if you are truly involved with someone, there has to be trust, not ownership in a relationship. Tiffany, if I were you, I'd find someone who was deserving to be your boyfriend, not someone who's just giving you "lip service.
Good luck.
Robin
Tiffany,
ReplyDeleteA couple of questions: do you require an engagement ring to consider yourself engaged? You can't afford to get married because you're paying for the wedding yourself? How old are you? Do you two live together?
First: After 8 years (depending upon how old I was) I would think he was stalling and waiting for someone better.
Second: anyone being that jealous of a voice over a computer game is very, very insecure and I would worry about the future.
Third: did you say anything to about this or did you just get ticked off?
Finally: you're not being stupid - you deserve better.
Taryn
Wow thanks guys you both really made me think about this from another persepective. I thought i was thinking things like that because i was ticked off but i didnt think past that! While i dont require a ring to be engaged i do believe that we shouldnt just assume it either. Yes we cant afford to get married because we are paying for it ourselves. I am 24 and we do live together, i ahve thought about it before and thought that maybe he was starting to procrastinate but i didnt think about how situations like what happened over the game could be giving me clues to how he might act in the future. you guys are totally right in saying that is seems like he owns me, and we arent even married!
ReplyDeleteWhen i confronted him about the situation he seemed like he couldnt believe that he had said it all out loud but i dont know if he was just acting like he didnt mean it because of how pissed i was or if he actually did mean it!
Tiffany,
ReplyDeleteYes, being a fiancé and a girlfriend are two totally different situations. A fiancé is a big step in a relationship. And if he is not willing to make that kind of commitment then yes I agree he does not have the right to use this title that fluently. He could have just said his girlfriend. If you’re not engaged then fiancé is not something you use freely to use to call your girlfriend.
Anyway this is about some friendly advice from the opposite sex, which should be no big deal. Women get advice from the opposite sex and it doesn’t mean we need to express to them that we are taken. A conversation with the opposite sex does not need to involve our personal status. Your boyfriend was trying to get a point across to the other guy but using fiancé. And it certainly was uncalled for in this situation. And it most definitely should not be used when the meaning behind it is particularly of importance to the other person.
Girlfriend and boyfriend – committed relationship
Fiancé and fiancé – engaged to be married to each other
I agree with your concern, two totally different situations that should not be taken lightly when he announced that you were his fiancé when in reality you are not.
-Nicole
First off I must say I have a playstation 3 and I love to play video games myself. I don’t know many other women who like to play. I very rarely if ever talk to other players while I’m playing online because a lot of men will be very condescending, and they will treat you differently and I don’t like that. They will try to hit on you or trash talk you. I wonder if that guy would have helped you if you were another guy…just a thought. I think Nik or Mike would be better equipped to answer this question, but it sounds like he was being a little territorial. The fact that he announced to the other guy that you were his fiancé was letting the other guy know that you were off limits and it probably came from jealously.
ReplyDeleteI am in the same situation as you; however I know that if I told my boyfriend that I wanted to go to the justice of the peace tomorrow and get married he would do it to please me. We are only waiting now because I want to pursue a career and he is fine with that. My question to you is it a mutual decision not to get married or has he made this decision on his own and you are going along with it. I think you guys have to talk and you have to explain to him what will make you happy. It can't be all one person’s way.
I personally don’t feel that the situation was so bad. What I think is bad is that it sounds like you really want to be married and maybe you haven’t expressed you feeling to him enough. You guys should be on the same page.
Men are very territorial and at times they seem to feel as though this includes the women that they are very fortunate enough to be dating. I agree wholeheartedly with you when you got ticked off because he cant give you a title that he has yet to "earn". And you are your own person and can talk to anyone you want as long as it is not in a disrespectful manner to him. He may feel as though you are his fiance and he wants to marry you but money is a problem, but if he feels it in his mind and heart, then the symbol of a ring should not matter. This is why we have common law marriages even.
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